so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
as a side note pls kill me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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