dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
