did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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