I am puke
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
