My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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