these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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