If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
