Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
