guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
