I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
