is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I currently don't understand fingers.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
