i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
