I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
