batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
