Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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