Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize