He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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