I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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