The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
