Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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