Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
