So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
