he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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