Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
