She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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