If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Mom said you looked used
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
