I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
