I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
