i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
