Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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