john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
