Already got asked if we're dating
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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