i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
