What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
