your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
