I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
