I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
