I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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