Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
