So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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