Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
