If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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