I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize