I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
