I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
