This is not my ceiling
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
