On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
