Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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