I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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