oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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