I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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