Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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