my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
