Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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