I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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