Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
