I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I smell stomach acid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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