Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
