my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
