Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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