Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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