Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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