so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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