Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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