So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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