so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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