forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
