dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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