Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
